Who Really Controls Your Divorce: You or the Judge?

• You have more control over your divorce when you and your spouse make decisions rather than leaving it to the judge.
• Working together means that you can protect what matters most, including parenting stability, financial security, property, and support.
• Your divorce process determines who is in control. Mediation and Collaborative Divorce give you greater opportunities to shape your family’s future instead of having decisions made for you.

The Goal: To Keep Control of Your Future

When you begin the divorce process, you and your spouse are in the best position to decide what works for your family. You both understand your children’s needs, your finances, and the priorities that matter most to you.

When you reach agreements together, you have control over parenting time, property division, support, and future family decisions. The more issues you resolve together, the more influence you have over the outcome.

What Happens When the Judge Makes the Decisions?

In a contested divorce, unresolved issues are presented to a judge for a ruling. At that point, many of the decisions that affect your future are no longer yours to make.

The judge must follow the law and the evidence presented in court. While you and your spouse may be willing to create customized solutions, the judge is limited to what the law permits and cannot build flexible arrangements around future events.

For example, you and your spouse may agree to revisit a parenting schedule when a child begins kindergarten or driving. The judge does not have the same freedom to create those types of personalized agreements.

How Mediation Works

Mediation allows you and your spouse to resolve your disputes with the assistance of a neutral mediator. The mediator facilitates discussions but does not make decisions for either of you.

If you reach an agreement, the terms are based on your choices rather than a court order. If an agreement is not reached, unresolved issues may proceed to a hearing or trial where a judge will decide them.

How Collaborative Divorce Keeps Decision-Making with You

Collaborative Divorce is specifically designed for you and your spouse to resolve issues outside of court. You are each represented by a collaboratively trained attorney, and additional neutral divorce professionals assist with financial or family related concerns.

At the beginning of the process, you are asked to identify your most important goals. The Collaborative team helps you focus on those priorities while working toward solutions that benefit everyone involved in the case.

You may place a higher value on parenting stability, while your spouse may focus on financial security. Through discussion and negotiation, you can protect what matters most without asking a judge to make those choices for you.

Choosing the Right Level of Control

The process you select directly affects who makes the decisions in your divorce. Contested litigation places those decisions in the hands of a judge, while Mediation and Collaborative Divorce give you and your spouse the opportunity to create your own solutions.

If maintaining control over your future and your children’s future is important to you, Collaborative Divorce provides a structured process focused on helping you and your spouse reach a resolution together.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does a judge decide every issue in a divorce?
No. A judge only decides issues that you and your spouse cannot resolve on your own.

Is Mediation the same as Collaborative Divorce?
No. Mediation uses a neutral mediator to facilitate discussions. Collaborative Divorce involves a team of professionals who work with you and your spouse to reach a settlement outside of court.

Why do people choose Collaborative Divorce?
Many people choose Collaborative Divorce because it can create customized agreements, maintain greater control over decisions, and focus on solutions that fit their family’s needs.